Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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