She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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