he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
