I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
