at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
