If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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