Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
