my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
