so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
