i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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