Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
