I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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