we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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