guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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