Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize