Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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