The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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