I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
