finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
