I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
