TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am one with the molecules
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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