my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
