ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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