fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
