In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
