im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
