She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
