im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
