and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i think my cat just said my name.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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