So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
