She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This baby is an asshole
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
