he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
