I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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