I can text with my tongue
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
