yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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