Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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