Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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