He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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