3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
