sarcasm needs its own font
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
