I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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