He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize