I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
