what day is it and did you see me today?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
