Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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