Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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