I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
