I have demons in me.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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