my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
