Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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