I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
