I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
