Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
