A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
