meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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