how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's paint friendship bongs
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
