I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My vagina is officially offended.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
