I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
