Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
