btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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