I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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