I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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