Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
