My sheets look like a crime scene.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
