I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
