Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I look better un-naked...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
