Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
