woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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