atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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