It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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