i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
