Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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